Contemplation

I’m always hard on myself.  When I realize a shortcoming or area in which I could improve, I expect change immediately.  If I fall back into my old ways, I immediately feel frustrated with myself.  I know better, why can’t I do better?

I’ll use an example to explain.  I try hard to be patient, and for the most part I am.  However, when I reach my limit, I have a hard time keeping my mouth shut.  When I do snap, my delivery is short and not nice.  I don’t like making people feel badly or speaking unkindly to others, so those snaps are immediately followed by anger and disappointment toward myself.  I knew I should have coped in a different way, but my reaction was still one I am not proud of.

I learned that there’s a name for this: contemplation.  Contemplation is the phase between knowing you want to make a change and actually having the ability to consistently make that change.  I know I need to stay patient and speak kindly even when I’m annoyed, but I don’t always have the ability to do that yet.  With more practice I will, but I am not at that skill level yet.

When you’re in the contemplation phase, two things are true at the same time.  You know better, but you can’t do better.  Yet.  It’s great to have high expectations of yourself, but Rome wasn’t built in a day.  Remember to give yourself some time to work on your change before expecting it to be perfect.  All things in time!